Erato, Suspended

I'll skip the boring details of what passed while I was away. 

I'm going to fast, or rather, semi-fast, for a week or so.  I just feel so disgusting.  I haven't even gained much weight either.  I'm still wayyyy under what I should be.  But way above what I need to be.

So here is my plan:

• I will drink 2.2 liters of water per day.
• Breakfast: 1 cup of diet cranberry juice, the juice of a fresh squeezed grapefruit, coffee, multivitamin, flax seed oil capsule, fiber tablet
• Lunch: 1 cup of cucumbers, coffee, fiber tablet
• Dinner: 1 small green apple, 1 cup of cucumbers, coffee, fiber tablet
• Snacks: diet hot chocolate

Why?  I got a perm, that's why.  I know when most people  think of perms, they think of those hideous 80's poodle puff disasters.  But they don't have to look like that.  I'm one of those girls with hair that takes ages to style so that it looks presentable.  It is uber long, uber thick, and enough wave to make it look frizzy and messy.  I used to spend 2 hours on my hair blow-drying it and straightening it.  But no more.  A perm gives my hair curl and body without it getting frizzy.  It also allows me to do nothing to it except wash it and add some moisturizing oil!  That's right, I spend a total of 5 minutes on my hair and it looks good. 

But there is a catch.  I look like a poodle for a little less than a week.  It takes a few days to relax and look more natural, so it ends up looking more beachy-wavy than curly.  It also makes your hair smell like cat pee.

~~~~~

I'm going to stay with my boyfriend tomorrow until Sunday, and then we will both go back to school together.  You can be assured that lots and lots of hot, steamy, backset sex will take place.  Along with midnight fondles beneath a blanket while "watching a movie".  Classes don't start until Wednesday, so we will have two nights of hardcore partying...I'm not one to drink every weekend, in fact I hardly drink at all, but it can be fun every once in awhile.

I haven't had sex in 16 days.  16 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!  I think I'm going crazy.        

I hate this stupid disease.  Yes, that's right.  DISEASE.  Anorexia is a disease.  Disease disease disease.  It isn't a lifestyle, and I'm sick of stupid girls and stupid websites advocating that.  But you know, just as bad are those people who say, "You looks sooooo anorexic.  Why don't you just eat a cheeseburger?"  Ignorant assholes.  Don't you think I would love to just eat a cheese (veggie) burger?  I could die from this. 

I can know all this, know how anorexia affects my mind and body, and still not even want to recover from it.  Is that sick or what?  I still do things like this, plan out my meals:

Sunday
Meal 1 - oatmeal (120)
Meal 2 - 1 cup light yogurt with 1/2 cup frozen strawberries (105)
Meal 3 - Progresso light soup (120)
Snacks - 1 pickle (5) and 1 small apple (55)

What did fat cow do?  Screwed up of course.  But not too badly.  I had a roll (80) and my milky drink (85)

Total calories: 570

I always feel the need to record my plans for the next day some where so I feel more obligated to follow it.

Yes, part of me is deeply (ha) shallow.  No, I am not ashamed of it.  I like to look pretty and I like clothes, makeup, and hair products.  So shoot me.

To revel in my shallow-ness, I will now post about some makeup items I have recently acquired for you viewing pleasure.


Revlon Molten Metal Eyeshadow in Bronze Bomber
I wanted a gold-ish eyeshadow that would be perfect for going out.  I found this at my friendly neighborhood Target, and am reasonably pleased.  To apply, you brush it onto your eyelids for a shimmery, although somewhat heavy, look.  I played with it a little bit, and found that if you smear it a little with your finger it blends in more and makes for a more attractive look. 
How I plan on wearing it: only for going to clubs or certain parties.  The look I like the best is to apply and then smudge with your finger, then line the outer corner of the bottom lids and wipe away the excess.  I will top with black liquid eyeliner and lots of mascara. 
Rating: 5 out of 10.  I probably won't buy this again, but it will serve its purpose for now.


Revlon Bedroom Eyes Powder Eyeliner in Fishnet Jet
Since it is a powder liner, quite a bit of it falls onto your cheek when applying and is annoying to clean up.  It has a sponge applicator which I don't like at all, as it doesn't give a thin enough line.  On the plus side, the color is nice and it is long lasting. 
How I plan on wearing it: strictly Halloween.  If I decide to be witch, a cat, or Elizabeth Taylor in Cleopatra.
Rating: 3 out of 10


Rimmel Special Eyes Eyeliner in Panama
I have to say, I LOVE this.  This is the best pencil eyeliner I have ever tried.  It is creamy, easy to apply, and very precise. 
How I plan on wearing it: as my daily eyeliner.  With a little apricot shadow on my lids and plum on my creases...delightful.
Rating: 10 out of 10

That's all for now.  Enjoy!

Appropriate.  Well, here they are.

• Lose those last 5 pounds to get to 90, and be happy with it.  (That last part is going to be tough.)
• Not gain anymore that 2 to 3 pounds once I get there.  Keyword: maintain.
• Put more money into my savings account, instead of directly into checking.
• Actually study.
• Make all A's and B's.
  
• Go to my morning class on Fridays even if I was at a party Thursday night.
  
• Get my depression under control.

A real entry later.

( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. )

I'm never any good at first entries, so I will talk about my user picture.  It is a painting by Pino called "Purity", and one of my favorites.  It is a very sensual piece, and I love the fact that while it is titled "Purity", the woman is obviously an extremely sexual being.  On a different note and in all my horrible honesty (and honesty is something I'm playing with at the moment) it is really good thinspo for some reason.  That backbone! 

For some reason sex is very tied into my eating disorder.  Whenever I have done particularly "well" eating-wise, all I can think of is straining and moaning and how my bones will look when I'm having sex.  Messed up right? 

...tangent time...

My mind has wandered to how I will be using this.  Ultimately if I'm not too lazy, I'd like to post my daily happenings, reviews of books/movies/make-up/beauty products, fashion blurbs, my favorite beauty tips, my struggle with anorexia, graphic (!) accounts of my glorious sexcapades, and all that is me.